In April 2023, I returned from nine delicious days in Rome (it felt like three months of bliss). What struck me on my return was the number of times colleagues asked whether I’d recovered from my holiday.

I wondered what other people usually do on their hols that they need to recover from!

Well, I guess I ate my body weight in carbs, frothy cappuccinos, and decadent gelato that I needed to recover from. My clothes did fit a bit more snugly than usual.

But apart from ingesting more calories than usual, I didn’t need to recover from being away; I actually needed to recover from being back home.

As parent to a young adult with autism and mental health concerns who struggles to attend college, spend time outdoors, and generally exist around other people without feeling physically sick since the pandemic, it was only once I was re-immersed in home life I realised the impact that parenting offspring with complex needs has on my own mental and emotional wellbeing. I had never before had the chance to step away, process how I live, and gain a different perspective on my lifestyle.

I felt I needed to rebuild resilience to get back into the routine of managing meltdowns and emotional outpourings as I found them more draining than before my holiday.

I can’t lie; I was desperately seeking solitude again. I had been given a glimmer of freedom and hope during nine wonderful days of Roman living, with only myself to think about. During that time and space, my creative spark received enough oxygen to be reignited.

I mentioned this desire for solitude to a friend and how I looked forward to the offspring flying the nest. When they retorted I shouldn’t even expect solitude as a parent, because I chose to have children, I felt ashamed and guilt ridden for even daring to feel this way.

But something about what they said didn’t sit well with me, at all. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what pushed my boundaries soooooo much about that statement. Usually, I can just let comments wash over me.

But I couldn’t shake this one comment.

Technically, their statement was correct. I know how babies are made and thus had been an active participant in creating offspring and have consequently become a lifelong parent. Children do not come with a manual or a receipt.

But no matter how much time passed, I still could not shake the twinge that I was not wrong or evil to want space and to look forward to more quality time to myself.

Eventually, as I tried to take the train to sleepytown after that conversation, the realisation came to me that while I did choose to have children, I wrongly assumed I’d be raising them with their father (which did not actually transpire). If I’d have known I would end up raising kids predominantly by myself, without a supportive familial or social network, I would have chosen differently.

I realised this person was judging my behaviour without knowing my arduous journey over the last two decades which had led me to feel utterly hopeless and depleted in that moment of exasperation when I declared my wish for more freedom.

(What an unfathomable idea for a woman/solo parent should even think about putting herself first and literally cry for respite so she could nurture herself and thus be stronger and more emotionally available to her offspring!)

I shared this realisation, that I felt I was being unfairly judged, to my friend who then expressed empathy and compassion and wanted to understand more about my journey so far. I explained I did not want to share at that time because I did not wish to re-traumatise myself for their benefit.

This experience served to emphasise that compassion and empathy do not need to be earned or justified.

In my coaching space, as suggested by Carl Rogers, I offer unconditional positive regard, empathy, and compassion to build rapport and psychological safety. I do not know how people’s journeys have led them to sit in front of me wanting to make change in their lives.

Nor is it my business to know, nor to judge anyone’s actions or behaviour.

I am empowering individuals to move forwards towards where they want to be and who they want to become, from where they are now.

Empathy and compassion are so integral to my coaching space that I had forgotten not everybody feels the same way as I feel about love, compassion, and empathy.

What a powerful reminder that conversation was for me! 😀

How could you show empathy and compassion towards yourself and others today? xXx

Compassion and empathy are the heart’s superpowers. They have the remarkable ability to heal wounds, bridge divides, and ignite the flame of humanity within us. In a world that often forgets, let us be the ones who choose to unleash these powers, bringing light and love wherever we go.”

In a world of chaos and despair,
Empathy and compassion can be rare.
But let us strive to be aware,
And spread lovingkindness everywhere.

Empathy, a gift so grand,
To walk in anothers’ shoes
to help us better understand.
With open heart and helping hand,
We create connection throughout the land.

Compassion, a flame that burns so bright,
Igniting hope, dispelling plight.
In darkness, it’s a guiding light,
Bringing solace to help make things right.

So let us enjoy empathy’s embrace,
And let compassion set the pace.
With love and understanding we can erase,
The pain and suffering we all may face.

ChatGPT & Jules 😀